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March 2025

With only seven nights in New York, would I be able to cram in enough terrible comedy? You bet I could!

We kicked things off with a visit to the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge, by some margin my favourite of the (currently) four Comedy Cellar venues. The lineup was strong, with no issues and only one unknown, host Gray West. I had Ethan Simmons-Patterson listed as a decent comic but the original rating was from so long ago, I couldn't really put a face to the somewhat-extravagant name. He opened strongly and was followed by Ryan Hamilton, Peter Revello, Ian Fidance and Jeff Arcuri closed. You'll note that the Comedy Cellar operation is untroubled by the idea of a gender-balanced lineup. Everyone did well, especially Jeff, who must be about to move up to the next level.

Monday night is a sweet spot for questionable bills. Stand NYC had its regular Frantic show in the upstairs room and that could be followed by Whiplash at nearby UCB. Both shows are free and a cynic might remark that you get what you pay for. I seem to get treated quite favourably at the Stand. This could be because a) they know of my huge influence in the comedy industry b) they think I'm someone else. Place your bets now. Manager Joe was missing (he was at SXSW) so I was seated somewhat awkwardly by his replacement. She returned shortly after and very deferentially offered me a different seat closer to the door. Ah yes, the old Fringe Monkey status working its magic.

I missed the name of the host but jotted down "small red neck child". Red neck was his description. Natalie Cuomo was up next and drove the show pretty hard into the ground. When a curly-haired chap came up and didn't immediately grab my attention I decided it was time to walk round to Whiplash.

Shalewa Sharp was hosting as usual. She brought up Babs Gray (who was in from LA), Gastor Almonte and a gay chap with a mullet. Gastor did best and I made a mental note to try to see him again. As it turned out, it would only be a matter of days.

Wednesday night could have been a visit to Ambush in Williamsburg but we'd signed up for what turned out to be a music open mic in a venue called the Pink Frog, also in Williamsburg. The tickets were supposedly $27 each and had we actually paid that, I think I might have felt slightly ripped off. As the start of Ambush ticked closer and the standard of performance at the open mic very much plateaued, we made moves to relocate. GF went home to watch tennis and I headed for Ambush's new location, a tattoo parlour of all places.

On arriving it transpired that a) it was BYOB b) they weren't QUITE ready to start. I headed across the road to Whole Foods and faffed about endlessly trying to find cold beer. Not long after returning Ali O'Neil kicked things off. I managed to fit in her, one bloke whose name I missed, Gastor again and producer Brittany Cardwell before the beer was finished. As well as offering you the chance to enter a raffle for a $200 tattooing voucher, you can get pierced by a masked person in the corner WHILE the show is taking place. This a suggestion I will be making to Monkey Barrel's top brass - at all times I expect to be able to get myself pierced during George Fox's hosting, perhaps more than once.

Thursday was our final night and it was to be a very odd thing. GF had noticed that there was a free show scheduled for Friday early evening at one of the Lincoln Center venues - right on our doorstep. The lineup was questionable but then it transpired that there was another show on the Thursday, offering a considerably more appealing set of comics. The series was called Marcus Russell Price Presents the Funniest Humans I Know. The original lineup was Petey DeAbreu, Rachel Feinstein, Alex Kumin, Mark Normand and Shane Torres. PLUS there was a DJ. Who doesn't want to see a DJ at 6:30pm??? We did a drive-by in advance to determine exactly where the show was (it was in the atrium where they sell discounted tickets to Broadway shows) and what the beer-smuggling prospects were (they sold 330ml cans of Montauk Wave Chaser IPA - a beer that can also be sourced from a local grocery store).

We turned up in good time and avoided getting searched on entry. What, these beers? No, they're for later. Definitely not for drinking during the show. We were delighted to find that the sunglasses-wearing DJ was playing tunes to a disinterested and somewhat elderly crowd for well over half an hour after the start time. He certainly couldn't have been replaced by a playlist, no sirree. We passed the time watching a man eat a whole roast chicken he'd brought in with him, followed by a punnet of strawberries.

Eventually Marcus came on and introduced host Petey, who did very well. He dwelled on the fact that he thought he was going to be playing the "proper Lincoln Center". Rachel had disappeared from the bill in favour of "special guests". Alex's set didn't come to much and when Petey was getting ready to bring up Mark Normand, Mark crept forward to just behind our seats. Petey dragged out the intro, causing an anguished Mark to whisper "Ah I came too soon" to us. GF gave him a fist bump on his way past us. Mark did well and although he persevered with his terrible "ICE" joke, I was delighted that it elicited a groan from the audience. Shane was also excellent and when the first of the apparently two special guests was brought up and I didn't recognise him, we decided that this was an ideal opportunity to leave.

Trip Stats

Shows entered - 5

Percentage of shows that were a wild success - 40%

Number of beers smuggled in - I honestly don't know what you're talking about

Expenditure - $18